First Goal Success!

I finally (FINALLY) finally made my first goal! I feel like now that this is accomplished I can move forward with other goals! And I got my first goal prize.. a new Victoria's Secret water bottle! I bought it a few days ago and it's been sitting on my dresser taunting motivating me and today I got to take it to work. My other water bottles were worn out and then I found myself spending a lot of money on fancy bottled water and I'm so glad to have this and just use the RO system in the lounge. Learning to drink like a fishy! Just how I like everything else in my life to be - cute. :]

Also, check out today's table of temptations!! It's Good Friday and people brought out the .. uh.. goods? That's a jumbo basket full of candy (including reeses eggs - a huge weakness) and a giant platter full of cookies. PTL my sugar tooth has decreased greatly since taking the NAC supplement.

Happy Good Friday to everyone. We are called to remember the day that Christ died as an offering to cover our sins and gain redemption in the eyes of God. So grateful for what this day means. :]


xoxo
Megan

The Color Run

Before the race -- It was very cold!

Guess what this chick did? A 5K!!
Saturday I completed my first 5k -- The Color Run! It was a blast... literally and figuratively. I had intentions to go and walk, but almost immediately out of the start, I decided to see what I could do. I jogged and walked most of it and finished right at an hour. The race itself made me realize how much I cannot compare myself to others. I signed up, showed up, and finished it. I can't compare myself to the 5'0 & 100lb little girls who are naturally wind resistant (and to be honest, a lot of the hard core runners were some of the grumpiest people there. :/ ) I can only say I tried, pushed myself, and did it! Although, The Color Run itself gives you a lot of incentives... periodically getting blasted with colors like a badge of honor -- happy music blasting -- if exercise were like this all the time, I think we would have a healthier country!

My Makeup

Some pictures from the day...

My Race Number

Color Run Nails

Breakfast of champions!

A Growing Crowd of 14,000!

So gross -- That's a mixture of dirt and color I think!

happy happy happy

I did it!

A Color Throw!

xoxo Megan

Evil Temptations

Happy Spring!

One of my biggest enemies in my battle for health is my own mind. I am notorious for beating myself up, but also for raging wars within myself. When I go hardcore (as I refer to it when I am in extreme focus mode), I am pretty on top of my thoughts, in regards to food.

Temptations are the worst, aren't they? What's worse than temptations, you may ask? Temptations that are thrown in your pathway. I spend a lot of time at work - 9 hours a day for 5 days a week. I go to bed pretty early, so a good portion of my waking hours are spent sitting in front of a computer screen at my desk. In front of my desk sits an empty desk. This empty desk is the most popular place besides the lounge for food to be located in our entire building. "WHY GOD WHY?? -- WHY CAN'T THIS DESK BY IN THE DARKEST CORNER OF THE BASEMENT?" But really -- last week there was a giant bag of Cadbury's Mini Eggs sitting there for a few days, and when we had a Valentine's party, there was a HUGE spread of sugar.

The lounge is a whole other story. I walked in this morning to find dozens of mini cupcakes staring back at me. It took a lot of will power not to go over and lick all the icing off of each one. Actually... that would have been pretty funny.. but not for my health!

So since I hardly prepared for this week's food, and wasn't ready for the amount of in-between meal hunger I would have, I stopped by the grocery store this morning for a lunch and snack. I found this popcorn - Angie's - 37 calories per cup. No cholesterol, gluten free, and a bunch of other good stuff. Plus the bag is mint green and adorable. And yes, I have been munching on it. Now it's hiding behind me so I will actually LIMIT myself to that cup. :]

-6.8 as of today. Yes, it's a roller coaster. No, I'm not always successful. I'm working on it. Baby steps!

I've been beating myself up lately about losing weight, and comparing myself, not so much to other people, but to myself a year ago. I year ago I went through a spell (ha!) when I lost 60 lbs. I was far from thin, but I was in a lot better shape than I am now. Now, I'm dealing with being mad at myself because I'm not in the same place. But, I've come to realize, that the weight came back last time, and I'm NOT in the same place I was this time last year. I decided to dig down deep and find my big girl panties and toughen up.

I've also been obsessing over natural eating lately. I love the idea of living off of fruits, veggies, lean meats, and whole grains... like how God made us. And to be honest, the more I learn about illnesses and food production, I get disgusted anyway.

A few of my favorites lately:

•  smart & delicious tortillas - 50 calories! I make just about everything with these. So yummy!
• yard work as exercise - really satisfies my creative needs as well as giving me a healthy dose of burning calories!
• Taralynn McNutt's blog - I've been reading her blog undressedskeleton.tumblr.com whenever I get down or frustrated. 

A few of my dislikes:

Okay, just one dislike... haters. I don't think that this has ever really been an issue that I can recall, but let it be known, just because I nod and smile it doesn't mean I'm not laughing to myself and rolling my eyes. You can try to bring me down all you would like to, it doesn't work. It's comical. I feel badly for you. You just don't deserve the "putting in place." I've got way too much going on to have to pause my life to deal with your nonsense. If you would only realize, nobody actually living life lives on that level.

Let's all move on. :]

xoxo

Megan

Weight loss summary:

Like a roller coaster. :]

I've been avoiding this blog like the plague for the past few days.

I decided to "reload" this weekend -- a term for HCG's setting your metabolism back at a good rate -- and I feel like it backfired. I gained all my weight back. The only reason I am returning to this blog is because I refuse to be a failure and it is important to hold myself accountable for mistakes made. I am also trying really hard not to beat myself up too badly. I think it also goes to show how differently my body handles food rather than a "normal" body.

Uriah and I were talking about how everyone knows someone who can eat anything they want and won't gain an ounce. I am kind of the opposite -- everything I even think about touching goes straight on. Good god it's frustrating.

I decided to hop back on the horse yesterday. I attended the spinning class with my friend Paige and the instructor only let us do 20 minutes since it was our first time, and that was plenty! My.. parts.. hurt so bad! They say you get used to it... how long until then? Ouch!

Weightloss Summary... 
So since gaining the weight back: +6.6
Since yesterday: -.8 (obviously it didn't "reset" my metabolism)
Total: -.8

xoxo
Megan

I have heard stories about people who have undergone weight loss surgery who then try to eat and it makes them sick or even vomit. I (oddly) coveted this dilemma because I was quite sure at times in my life that my stomach was a bottomless pit. Last night, I felt the torture of overeating nausea and subsequent vomiting.

Long story short, mom cooked. I didn't feel as though I overate, but I think I overate for the limitations I have put on myself and the supplements I am taking. I learned a valuable lesson last night. Hopefully this will teach me more about portion control, as well.

I had another thought this morning while I was helping my niece get ready for school. She is the most beautiful, kind-hearted, sweet-spirited twelve y/o child and she has always been my "mini-me". Then there are the times when her stubborn nature (no clue where she gets it from) are a tad bit overwhelming and we are at odds. I have set this child up for success from decorating her room from top to bottom to buying her school wardrobe almost every year. I love my niece and nephew that live with us VERY much -- they have so much of my heart -- but my role with them is odd. Part sister, part mother, part disciplinarian, and LASTLY part AUNT. Mean, fun, generous, stingy, bitter etc.. they have had to experience all these sides of me which is so unfortunate and something I deeply regret. But I have grown up with them and wasn't ready for the position of "parenthood" (?) I was put into with them when I was and sadly I haven't been able to give them as much as they deserve from any aspect of me. Back on subject, I try to supply them with what I can (as my main love language is gift giving) and my niece loves to say that the pants for today are itchy or that something is wrong with her shirt. It drives me insane because I know once she puts it on she looks adorable. Then come her least favorite words... "let me fix your hair." She hates this more than anything... maybe for my lack of mercy with tangles, but either way... I also know how confident she feels when she looks "put-together." So, this morning, I insisted on throwing her hair in a ponytail which was met with her typical resistance. I was brushing her hair back and she pointed at her ear and said "My ear is weird. It's not like the other one." First of all, I looked at it and nothing was weird about it. Then a rush of anger (at the world, myself, my sinfulness, etc.) hit me. Not that this was a momentously tragic situation, but that my niece found something so minutely wrong to fixate on about herself. It really saddens me that I've been this type of example. I believe in bettering yourself, but I also believe in loving yourself.

Learning in progress.

Weightloss Summary..
Since Yesterday: -1.6 (yea, thanks nausea)
Overall: -6.6

xoxo
Megan

Starbs

Feeling good today.. the first day that I felt a difference in my weight. That feeling is hard to describe. Even though I know it's not noticeable, I am grateful for the feeling because it provides motivation.

I did pretty well eating wise yesterday -- drank a lot of ounces of water & water-y drinks and ate well.

Oh, and then I ate a whole bunch of tootsie rolls. Seriously, though.. what is my problem? I am laughing this one off, even though I should probably take it more seriously. I was noticing yesterday that I wasn't craving anything at all and didn't have any desires to binge eat or eat unhealthy -- except I was craving chocolate. Me mum says that's because my insulin levels are wacky because of PCOS. I need to learn to notice that because you know what that leads to? DIABETES. You know what DIABETES leads to? A whole mess of other issues and I'm not up for it.

Apparently, my sugar tooth hung over for the morning, and I decided to stop by starbucks -- but I got a skinny mocha with soy meaning it was sugar free. Not a huge advocate of sugar free stuff because of aspertame, but I did it and enjoyed it. That's also the problem with giving into a sweet tooth in the first place -- it fuels the fire and promotes cravings. Maybe I should commit to giving up sugars (sans fruit.) I will think on this more.

Regardless, I must have gotten my taste for coffee back because I'm sipping on a big cup of it this morning. My mood: content.

In other news: a friend and I signed up for a SPINNING class Monday. Quite literally, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, but I am looking forward to the guaranteed one hour of sweating! And by looking forward to, I mean scared out of my mind.. but optimistic!

Weight Loss Summary..
Since Yesterday: -1.2lbs
Total: -5lbs

xoxo
Megan

Apathy: Friend or Foe

I've been feeling rather apathetic lately, especially in regards to motivation of weight loss. It is frustrating because I am usually on one end of the scale or the other (like, super motivated or super discouraged.)

I don't see it as a bad thing.

Even though things feel a little cloudy, a recurring theme in my life right now is learning about the gray zone. I'm a huge lover of black and white. I want to know what it is going on so I can accept it which in return puts my spirit at ease. But as I am learning, in both relationship and dieting, extremes aren't always the the best thing, and it is pretty controlling of me to demand that.

You miss a lot of beauty in life when you only see in black in white. One of the many things my relationship with Uriah is teaching me is this. I am so grateful for who he is and every bit of him that is not like me, because I get so sick of myself. God must have knowingly given me a man with such patience who is able to gently guide me through my "extreme" stages. I think there is a medical term for this... "bipolar," perhaps? Yeesh.

Anyway, I suppose apathy isn't so much the word to use. I think mellowing out, or even accepting the day-to-day is where I am. Realizing that yes, I want weight loss NOW, but NOW is not five minutes, a day, a week, or a month. That I am getting there but it's about steady steps, not extreme ones that lead to disappointment and a cycle of self-loathing and seemingly, unforgivable failures.

Instead, I'm going to aim for a steady desire to improve myself. In an "extreme mode" panic yesterday, I asked my mom for some help with long-term motivation... she said to picture myself giving myself insulin at 30 years-old or the possibility of not having children. From my mother, who is usually the most gentle spirited person ever, this was something that caught my attention. It's more than fitting into a dress in three months time, it's about quality of life, having children, and pushing myself to be the best I can be. All things that I want.

Weight Loss Summary..
Since Yesterday: -1.4
Total: -3.8

xoxo
Megan

Good morning!
Went to bed early (9pm) and woke up an hour before my alarm at (4:30am). Not the best, but better. Opted out of the gym in lieu of more rest, because working out at the expense of sleep usually isn't worth it. All parts of my health I'm trying to work on. :]

A little overview from my supplement adventure day one yesterday: It was hard to tell some of the effects of each individualized supplement. Obviously, the *smart* thing to do would be to start one supplement at a time and then gradually add or however. That's not what I did, and on top of that, I was extremely exhausted from the lack of sleep. Hopefully I'll be able to decipher what is going on better today, but I did enjoy the initial experience from yesterday. I definitely felt the serotonin boost as well as a lot of appetite suppression. I had some nausea, but that usually accompanies appetite suppression for me. I'm going to keep it up.

In the meantime I'm sipping (more like gulping down, since I have to consume SO many ounces daily) my powerade zero. How fun is this accidental purple and green pairing? It's the little things in life. Then of course my little pack of morning supplements -- some Zinc (getting over a cold), Cranberry pills (getting over a UTI), D3, Saffron Extract, NAC, and a prescription diet pill.

AND.. I lost 2.4 lbs since yesterday.

Since yesterday: 2.4
Total: 2.4

xoxo
Megan

I'm alive!

After being sick for a week with the world's worst cold and attacking my body with everything from cleanses and homeopathy, creams and sprays, and steroids and antibiotics -- I feel much better.

Needless to say, being sick does very little for the losing weight department and to be honest, I spent most of the day face down in my pillow under a million blankets. I gave myself until Saturday to get better and I pretty much was. :]

I spent all day Sunday preparing for this new lifestyle adventure. I set up my supplements and went grocery shopping for a few things. I also went tanning -- I don't have access to a sauna and needed something to help sweat out the germs.

Over the past week I did some research on the aforementioned supplements because I came to the conclusion that almost every one of the gimmicky brands (advocare, etc.) are composed of other supplements and so why not work a little harder to figure out my own body and what would work for that.

I came across Dr. Oz's video on Saffron Extract. It seemed legitimate, and I'm pretty desperate.. so I bought some. This stuff is pretty pricey as far as supplements go, but it's supposed to boost your serotonin levels while also making you full. So the normal.. eh.. comfort and happiness you get from tasting some food (I'm a huge comfort eater) is somewhat simulated through this supplement. Saffron is one of the most expensive seasonings -- I bought my bottle of 60 for just under $20. It will probably last a month for me. But if it takes away my hunger -- I'll give it a shot!

I had been scouring the internet for supplements that aided in insulin resistance or PCOS and I was coming up VERY short. Then, out of nowhere last night, my mother was reading the paper and was telling me about an article from a natural food store that she came across. It was on this supplement called NAC (N-acetyl cysteine) and it has been tested, mostly in Europe, to help with the side effects of PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome like insulin resistance, which I feel is a huge problem of mine. Let's face it.. my sweet tooth is ginormous, and I need it PULLED.

I was really wanting to try NAC this week, but found out about it right before bed...

Luckily my mind (much to my body's dismay) decided it only needed THREE hours of sleep last night. I decided to haul my bum to the gym but got there too early and so I stopped by the local grocery store to see if they had it.. and they did! Thanks God! I bought a bottle of 60 capsules -- possibly a two month supply, depending -- for $13.99.

In other news -- I'm exhausted from a lack of sleep last night. I drink somewhere around 60 ounces of coffee in the morning and for some reason all the coffee I have tried to drink this morning tasted disgusting, so I am definitely not awake. I did get a good work out in this morning, so I plan to go home and crash hard. :] 

Onward and upward!