I don't see it as a bad thing.
Even though things feel a little cloudy, a recurring theme in my life right now is learning about the gray zone. I'm a huge lover of black and white. I want to know what it is going on so I can accept it which in return puts my spirit at ease. But as I am learning, in both relationship and dieting, extremes aren't always the the best thing, and it is pretty controlling of me to demand that.
You miss a lot of beauty in life when you only see in black in white. One of the many things my relationship with Uriah is teaching me is this. I am so grateful for who he is and every bit of him that is not like me, because I get so sick of myself. God must have knowingly given me a man with such patience who is able to gently guide me through my "extreme" stages. I think there is a medical term for this... "bipolar," perhaps? Yeesh.Anyway, I suppose apathy isn't so much the word to use. I think mellowing out, or even accepting the day-to-day is where I am. Realizing that yes, I want weight loss NOW, but NOW is not five minutes, a day, a week, or a month. That I am getting there but it's about steady steps, not extreme ones that lead to disappointment and a cycle of self-loathing and seemingly, unforgivable failures.
Instead, I'm going to aim for a steady desire to improve myself. In an "extreme mode" panic yesterday, I asked my mom for some help with long-term motivation... she said to picture myself giving myself insulin at 30 years-old or the possibility of not having children. From my mother, who is usually the most gentle spirited person ever, this was something that caught my attention. It's more than fitting into a dress in three months time, it's about quality of life, having children, and pushing myself to be the best I can be. All things that I want.Weight Loss Summary..
Since Yesterday: -1.4
Total: -3.8
xoxo
Megan
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